A year ago, my world ended.
On 7/15/2006 at 4:55 p.m., Cayleigh Aurora was born weighing 15.3 ounces and 11 inches long.
She was my everything. I have a permanent hole in my heart, soul and life.
I know that there will never be anything or anyone that can fill that or make it easier. But I also know she wouldn't want me to let my life waste away.
I thank God for the precious people still in my life.
And I look forward to the day I can be with her again.
I'll always love you baby girl.

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.


x-posted

One of our cats died. It was pretty sudden and unexpected.

I am incredibly sick with the flu. Now that the body aches are gone my cough is the worst of it. And it's getting worse. Oh and I can hardly talk. I've lost most of my voice. I hate this. It's spring now damnit. I'm not supposed to be sick now.

This weekend is my mom's birthday party and a concert in GR. I hope to god I'm better enough so that I'm not hacking through it.

I have a lot of stuff on my mind. Responsibilities that need to be taken care of. But I know it's not going to happen right now with all this. I'm grateful that people have been patient but I'm afraid it may be wearing thin. So I really hope I'm in recovery next week and am able to work on things.

Ugh.

I took this quiz:







And it told me I was passive and to use this Anti-Seduction Guide for the Passive:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/145/422423980_15c555d465_o.jpg

Excellent...

I am so doing this:

The Letter T

Given to me by ragtimematt.

1. Tape
2. Trinkets
3. Traveling
4. Trains
5. Tornados
6. Theaters
7. Thunderstorms
8. Tranquility
9. Teppanyaki
10. Trees

Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After, post this in your journal, and give out some letters of your own.

These are both Josh Groban songs that apply to me right now. I love them so I'm sharing them:


Where You Are

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be

That you are my
Forever love
And you are watching over me
From up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Everyday

Cause you are my forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe that angels breath
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Download To Where You Are.mp3



Remember

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory

Remember
When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me

I am the one star that keeps burning
So brightly
It is the last light
To fade into the rising sun

I'm with you whenever you tell
My story
For I am all I've done

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory
Remember me

I am that warm voice in the cold wind
That whispers
And if you listen
You'll hear me call across the sky

As long as I still can reach out
And touch you
Then I will never die

Remember
I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory

Remember
When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me
Remember me
Remember me

Download Remember.mp3

X-posted to myspace...

Ok,
I've decided to start being generous and share some of my huge music collection with anyone that's interested. Since I hardly use this journal anymore it will give it a purpose. I'll post a few songs every few days I think.
To kick it off I'll share the new Evanescence CD, Open Door which technically comes out in October so it may be a bad idea for me to post this. But I really like it, especially the last song. So I'll be bad and spread my pirated music lol. Enjoy!

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=7FA1C6004124BE25

An empty house, a broken fairy tale
A hollow girl with empty arms
From an angel's tears God made the stars
Why can't He make me an unbreakable heart



The Clueless n. 1. folks who haven't lost a child and just don't get it.

The Clueful n. 1. folks who haven't lost a child and who try really, really hard to understand.

"Grieving is an invitation to what we believe to be divine. We will find in this hallowed meeting the blessing of our every emotion and the grace to believe in the mystical power of whatever we are feeling." - Molly Fumia

God I never use this thing anymore. I can't imagine many people are still reading it anyways...
But if you are reading this I'm warning you that this is a psycho post because I have no where else to put it.

( You've been warned... )


Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

I decided to try out this celebrity look-a-like collage where you put your photo in and compare it. I'm not sure I look much like Katherine Heigl but I love her! I can see that if you don't look at our eyes our face structure is similar.

Because I can't bring myself to update on my life right now:

Survey time-

In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Lack of communication (yes that's 3 words)

Your prom night?
Got there late and danced for an hour in a dress with a broken zipper.

Do you have any famous ancestors?
Abraham Lincoln is my first cousin 6 times removed (6 generations back); descendant of Emperor Charlemagne and many of the French Kings

Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
No

Last thing received in the mail?
A Letter from my aunt

How many different beverages have you drank today?
Like 6

Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
Yes

Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
The Wallflowers

What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
I've never had anything more than cavities filled and I had gas so it didn't hurt.

What is out your back door?
We live in an apartment building so the building's back door leads to the parking lot.

Any plans for Friday night?
Nope

Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
My hair has never gotten wet in the ocean.

Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Many

Some things you are excited about?
My bf's company picnic at Michigan's Adventure in a week

What is your favourite flavour of JELLO?
Lime

Describe your keychain:
A picture of Harry Potter and Ron in dress robes in movie #4

Where do you keep your change?
A glass jar

When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
I don't remember

What kind of winter coat do you have?
Leather Jacket

What was the weather like on your graduation day?
I think it was nice, I remember that our car was rear-ended by another student though heh

Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Sometimes open, sometimes closed

Something purple within 10 feet of you?
Glass beads for making jewelry

Sexiest item you own?
Pink/Black thong w/ garter attachments

Weirdest item you've put in the microwave?
marshmallows

How much Japanese do you know?
I can't speak it but I know a lot of names of items and foods

Do you look good in yellow?
No

Do you sing?
When I'm alone

Ever danced naked in front of a crowd?
No

Do you spit or smoke?
No

Least favourite colour?
Brown

Ever played an instrument?
6 years of flute and a little piano

Do you believe in Big Foot?
No

Ever been to a palm reader?
No

What are you thinking about right now?
My new Muse CD that I love

Ever had a black eye?
No

Current disappointment?
No comment

Favourite drinks?
Water, Iced Tea, Juicy Juice Fruit Punch

Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My neck/back

Where did you last ride a taxi?
To Chicago's Union Station in a huge hail storm

Last alcoholic drink you had?
Coconut Rum & Pineapple Juice

What were you doing last night?
At my bf's parent's house and then chilling at our apartment

Did you do the deed on prom night?
I didn't do the deed until 2 years after prom.

Favourite food ever?
My mom's lasagna

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night..."

Ok, so it's been a very long time since I've written in here. I thought I should just do a quick update. A lot of things have been going on in the past few months.
First things first, I am almost 4 months pregnant! Keith and I are really excited but also trying to prepare. It's a total surprise for us. I didn't know I was expecting until I was already 10 weeks along. We are hopefully going to find a new apartment before the baby comes in October. And once he's more settled in his job we're going to go house-hunting.
Some not so great things have happened as well. Last month all in one week my grandpa, uncle and aunt were all diagnosed with cancer. My grandpa has stage 3b lung cancer and is going through chemo and radiation and is doing well so far. My uncle just had a biopsy done on the spot on his lung and they don't think it's cancerous. My aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer, had her first bit of chemo and had a bad reaction. She died a few days later. It's been really hard for my family. We went to Ann Arbor for the funeral.
On top of that my parents have had a rough few months where their furnace died, dryer died and my mom's car died.
Now I'm just hoping that things will start to settle down.
My last day of work was in the middle of February. I'm trying to get signed up for Medicaid since I don't have insurance. It's a really good thing that Keith got his job when he did. I know we'll be just fine, it's just a matter of preparing for this big event. I'm glad I still have 5 months left.
I guess that's it for now. Sorry for being MIA for so long!

Later,
Cami

This is me down to every last detail...

the Helper Test finished!

you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO. "I must help others" Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs. How to Get Along with Me Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific. Share fun times with me. Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours. Let me know that I am important and special to you. Be gentle if you decide to criticize me. ( More... )

I just wanted to post a quick "Happy Valentine's Day!" to everyone!
(Especially to my baby! I love you more than anything)



Love,
Cami xoxo

This is kind of cool. Check out my Johari Window. :)

I know I hardly post on here. I'm constantly checking other people's lj's and I always have ideas to write about but it's in those few steps between thinking them and actually posting them that I get stuck. Oh well.

I just saw Chronicles of Narnia for the second time this week. It's an awesome movie. And it's very cool that Imogen Heap has a song in the closing credits. I knew I recognized it when I heard it.

I just discovered Aviatic on myspace. I really like their sound. Maybe I'll order the CD.

I know the weather is just trying to prove that it really is winter but seriously, I was perfectly happy before all this snow dumped on us again. It can go away now. It's proved it's point.

I may or may not be out of a job in a month or so. My employers like to keep us hanging up until the last minute. But I guess that's common when a store is closing so they can keep the employees around till the last day.

I am very bored and lonely.

I ate at Chili's tonight and my food ended up being free. Which is nice.

When you're alone for a few days and all you have are your thoughts it's easy to get depressed. Or at least it is for me. Especially when you live in Michigan and it's winter and very very cloudy.

This post is an English teacher's nightmare with almost all the paragraphs starting with "I".

Later,
Lux

So my totally awesome boyfriend bought me the Sims 2 for Christmas and I love it to death. I've been playing it pretty much non-stop ever since. But it does seem to have some bugs in it. The worst thing happened last week when I called the repairman to come over. The game suddenly slowed down and repairman after repairwoman kept appearing. Until there were probably 80 of them on my lawn (not exaggerating!). I finally used a cheat to delete them one by one. But the funny thing was each time I deleted one it told me their name and I came across one named Skylar (my brother's name, spelled exactly right). Maybe this isn't that funny to anyone else but even though his name is getting incredibly popular these days I'm still amazed when I see it. But no, the repairman named Skylar looked nothing like him.

Yay! My Japanese T-shirt from J-List just came!
It's beautimous!





It's got these little pictures of common japanese things and what they're called. I thought it was too cool to pass up. Here's a close-up of what's printed on it:




Lately I've been delving a little into the J-pop scene and looking at popular Japanese fashion,etc. I've always been interested in Asian culture though. There are some popular candies and sodas that I remember my roommate at WDW having. She was Hawaiian and Japanese which was cool because she knew about some of the things I grew up eating, like sushi or miso soup, etc.

Anywho, I'm ecstatic to finally have my shirt and I am so wearing it to work tomorrow.